One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
