I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
