I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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