I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
