its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
