I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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