I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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