she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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