3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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