Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
