we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My ATM looks so different sober.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
