The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
