So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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