I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
