You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
