i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
