yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
