Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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