My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
