Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
