take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
