Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
