Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
