I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
the liver wants what the liver wants
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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