My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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