I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
