I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
