Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
