did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
