Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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