South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
