I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
