Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
