Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
