if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
