jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
