You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
