oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
