My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
