Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm always down for nudity.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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