capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the condom got lost in my hair
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
