fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
