How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
