Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
this will be a night to untag.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
they're like a gay fantastic four
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
