I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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