she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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