I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
