The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
