so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
