My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
