i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
