I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
