M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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