I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
