sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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