I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
