so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
