Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
